


Unburden

by Mr_Customs_Man



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5185490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Customs_Man/pseuds/Mr_Customs_Man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the stress is too much, Hawke turns to Sebastian to confess his sins. Sebastian wishes he could do the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unburden

Sebastian braced his elbows against his knees and waited. There was nothing to do but wait, nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company. It had been easy to distract himself after the battle, the blood pounding in his ears blocked out the sound of her voice. But now that it was quiet, her promises whispered through his mind, worming their way into his brain until it was all he could think about. He prayed for it to go away, for the Maker to give him strength against such demons, and yet… 

“Evening, Brother!” 

He nearly jumped a foot in the air when Hawke suddenly burst into the confessional, his too-loud voice echoing across the grate that separated them. “Keep your voice down,” he scolded lightly, without any heat. “Now, is there anything I can help you with? Forgive me, but you didn’t strike me as the type who attended services.” 

“Hey, just because I’m a drunken lout, doesn’t mean I don’t believe.” 

“I didn’t mean to imply-” Sebastian began quickly, only to break off when he heard Hawke laugh. He was just teasing. Hawke was always teasing him. It had been so long since someone had felt that comfortable around him; as a Brother, most people were on their best behavior around him. Always serious, no joking, too afraid he would cast judgment on them. Sebastian was respected, but there was always a measure of distance between him and the common folk. “Is there anything you wish to confess then?”

“Well, I did just come here from the Blooming Rose. I don’t think you want to know all the wonderful things I got up to with Sabina. Unless, you do? My goodness, Brother, I didn’t realize how much of a pervert you are. Let’s be best friends.” 

Sebastian could feel his face turn hot and thanked the Maker for the screen. “If you need to unburden your soul I am always willing to listen. I’m sure it’ll be a nice change of pace for those poor girls you usually unburden yourself unto.” 

“Oh, Brother’s got some bite!” Hawke laughed. “Wait… that sounds like an offer. Are you offering? Because it’s gonna be hard to get to you with this grate in the way, but I can make it work. I’ve done it before.” 

“Wait, what? How did you-? No, never mind. I don’t want to know. Was there something you needed, Hawke?” 

“Well, I really liked how you shot that demon with your arrow. Very impressive. I was wondering if you might be up to doing that with me again. You’ll still be helping people with their demons, although these will be less metaphorical and more… actual.” 

At her mention, Allure’s voice grew stronger. He couldn’t stay here, not when he could feel her breath against the back of his neck, whispering sweetly about a city that was never his. He needed to get away, and he would still be doing the Maker’s work. “I would be honored to fight beside you, Hawke.”

* * *

“-and what else? Well, I’ve been guilty of the sin of anger. I shouted at the children several times during the past week, as the Maker no doubt saw with His all-seeing eye and heard with His all-hearing ear.” 

“I don’t think-” Sebastian tried to say, only for the woman to plow right through. 

“I’ve committed malice on a number of different occasions. I was definitely trying to hurt my sister’s feelings last Tuesday when- oh, this my youngest sister, Janice, the one who married a tailor. Of course, the Maker knows which sister I mean. I always forget that with His all-knowing mind He knows perfectly well what I mean. Probably better than I do, in fact! Anyway, she was going on about her son’s new commission and I said-” 

“Time’s up, girly!” Hawke’s rough voice rang out as he pulled open the door to the confessional, unheedful of the woman’s undignified squawk. “You’ve been in there for an hour. The Maker doesn’t want to hear about your sister’s stupid kid.” 

“Hawke!” Sebastian protested as he stuck his head out of the confessional. Hawke had his arms wrapped bodily around the woman’s waist while she flailed about like a fish caught on a hook. The man only grinned and looked him up and down. 

“I like the dress,” he said. 

“They’re my Chantry robes. Every member of the clergy wears them. Besides, I can’t wear my armor all the time.” 

“Are you wearing anything underneath?” He asked, one hand reaching out to grasp hold of his hem, no doubt to sneak a peek. Sebastian rolled his eyes and deftly dodged the questing fingers. 

“Hawke. Put the woman down.” 

He did as he commanded. Once the woman was free, she turned sharply on her heel to give him a resounding slap that echoed throughout the Chantry. “I’ll return tomorrow to confess that,” she stated with a nod to the Brother and stormed off. 

“I think she popped my jaw out of place,” Hawke whined. 

“Get in here.” 

Hawke followed him into the confessional and the moment he shut the door Sebastian rounded on him. “What was that all about? You can’t just pull people out of the confessional like that!” 

“She was taking too long.” 

“A brother’s time cannot be monopolized. If she needed an hour, I would have given her an hour. If she needed a year, I would have given her a year.” 

“She could go to any brother or sister here. I need *you*.” 

His heart clenched painfully at those words. Needed. No one had ever needed him before, certainly not his family. It felt nice to be needed. “What can I help you with?” He asked more gently this time. 

“I’m worried about Anders.”

Sebastian swallowed the scathing remark that threatened to rise up. Now was not the time to voice his own thoughts on the maleficar. Hawke had come to him for a reason. 

“He’s starting to unravel. He almost killed an innocent woman today. I just… Sometimes, I look at him and I think: that could be me.” 

“No,” Sebastian interjected quickly. “You would never willingly merge with a demon like he has.” 

“You’re right, but I’ve done plenty of terrible things on my own without the excuse of a demon.” For a second, there was nothing but silence on the other side. And then, so softly, “Why did you never tell the Templars about me?” 

“I…” He hesitated, unsure of what to say. He had thought about it, however briefly. He supposed that some would see it as a failure to uphold his duty as a brother to the Chantry, but… “You are no Maleficar. I’ve seen no evidence of blood magic or demon summoning… just a man willing to put his life on the line to help those in need. The Maker has a path for us all and… I think yours is outside of the Circle, where you can do the most good.” 

“Just me then? I don’t think Brothers are supposed to play favorites.” 

“Only Andraste achieved perfection, I am just lowly man.” 

“Thanks for believing in me, I guess,” Hawke said with a sigh. “Though I’m warning you now, I’m going to let you down. I always let people down.” 

“You won’t. You haven’t yet.” 

“Tell that to Bethany or Carver or Mother… I’m sorry for wasting your time.” 

“You’re not wasting anything, least of all my time.” 

“I feel selfish, annoying you like this. Do you have anything you want to talk about?” 

Sebastian laughed lightly, touched by the gesture. “No, but thank you for asking.” 

“You can tell me anything, I won’t care. I don’t judge. I’ve probably done worse.” 

There were so many things he could confess, things he couldn’t even tell Elthina. He was so conflicted and there was that voice, that sweetly voice who whispered all the things he shouldn’t want but did. It seemed wrong to burden Hawke with them, though, not when he had so many problems of his own. He had already spoke more about his own worries than he should, he knew Elthina had grown tired of the same old arguments he seemed unable to let go of. Should he retake Starkhaven, or remain a brother? On and on and on. He wished he was more like Hawke, able to just pick a side and go with it, consequences be damned. So in the end, Sebastian just smiled and thanked him and said nothing more.

* * *

The bells rang out as they called the brothers and sisters in for their evening prayers. Sebastian knelt in the back with the other initiates as Mother Emeline recited the Chant. Her voice was high and sweet and they filled him with a sense of peace and comfort. 

“Oy! Don’t grab me! I’m the Champion! You’re supposed to be nice to me!” 

Whatever calm that had come over him was promptly broken by Hawke’s belligerent bellowing. The Grand Cleric shot him a look, one that plainly said, ‘Control your friend.’ Sebastian’s cheeked blushed red and hot as everyone turned to watch the scene unfold. 

“Hawke, calm down,” Sebastian soothed as he approached the man. The layman that had clasped hold of his arm let go at the sight of Sebastian, and without his support Hawke nearly fell upon his arse. The stench wafting from the mage’s greasy hair was almost unbearable. Hawke smelled like he had bathed in rum. “Is something wrong?” 

Hawke said nothing, just grabbed hold of his sleeve and dragged him into the confessional. “I don’t know what to do anymore,” he breathed. “Everyone is looking at me to fix their problems and I don’t know what to do.” 

“It’s going to be alright-” 

“This city is going to the Void and I can’t fix it. I can’t do it. I can’t even fix my own problems. I have Meredith breathing down my neck and Orsino looking at me like I’m the savior of all mage-kind. I don’t know what is the right choice.” 

“No one does. If we did, no one would ever make a mistake. The fact that you care, that you are tormented by these questions, proves that you are on the right path.” 

“They all look at me like I’m something good.” 

“You are good,” Sebastian insisted, his heart wrenching at the sound of Hawke’s anguish. “You are. I have never met a man more selfless than you.” 

“I can’t even last a day without reaching for a bottle. My own brother hates me. I’ve fucked up every single thing I’ve ever touched. Do not tell me that I am good.” 

“Lying is a sin, I will only tell you the truth: you are a good person, Hawke” 

“I could confess my sins. Tell you about the rotten parts of me, the dark places you haven’t seen, the cruelties I’ve inflicted. What then? Would you still say that I am good?” 

Sebastian shook his head. “If you’ve come here expecting to be punished, you won’t find it in me.” 

“THEN WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?!” 

Sebastian couldn’t say anything to that and with an angry sob Hawke left.

* * *

Sebastian’s army was camped outside of Starkhaven, in a little village called Woodville. Army was perhaps too kind a word; they were but a small unit of some 250 men, mostly mercenaries and whatever soldiers the local lords could spare him. He didn’t know if it would be enough to retake his home, but it was all he had left. 

Woodville boasted a small country parish, barely large enough to fit more than twenty people at a time. Before Elthina’s murder, stepping inside a Chantry, no matter how small or humble, had always brought him a sense of peace. Now, however, he felt nothing. The Maker had left and there was nothing but this empty shell in His place. Sebastian knelt inside the confessional, his body going through the old motions as though he had never stopped. “Mother, I have sinned.” 

“Haven’t we all?” 

It felt like someone had poured a bucket of cold water over him at the sound of Hawke’s voice. He couldn’t see him through the grate, but he would never forget that voice. “You…” he breathed as the shock gave way to pure rage. “You betrayed me!” 

“I warned you that I would let you down.” 

“How could you have let him walk away after what he did?!” Sebastian demanded. “How?!” 

Hawke said nothing. 

“I will see you in the Void,” Sebastian hissed. 

“I’ll be waiting then.”


End file.
